A Night at the Bar, and a Day at the Coffee Shop
I’ve talked quite a bit about shaking things up, breaking free of routines, traveling, discovering more inputs in life, and taking that death defying leap into the unknown.
It all sounds well and good when you type it up or read similar posts, but eventually you reach that point where talk reveals its cheapness and actions are shown for their true value.
Just the other day I found myself in a situation where I was given the opportunity to break free of routine. To back track a bit, the night before this I was at the local bar catching up with friends and enjoying the auditory vibes of a pretty decent cover band.
Long story short, there had been this mystery girl I had met some months back at the same bar. The conversation was amazing, but cut short by the drunken banter of bohemian partiers clearing out of this bar to plan out their next adventure.
Of course, months later, the very night this mystery girl shows up again, I am privileged with the duties of catering to my less than sober friend who was celebrating recently acquired employment.
And so in between trying to get my friend to down a couple waters that were cleverly disguised as vodka clubs (no she did not realize – yes she was that drunk) I was able to have a momentary interaction with our mystery girl.
Now most times, an encounter that lasts under a minute is less than substantial, but a common characteristic for all rules is that they have exceptions.
Mystery girl had revealed something about her that night – the coffee shop she works at, and the days she is there.
So the next morning when I told this story, with slightly more details, to one of my good friends, his instantaneous reaction was that we had to go to this coffee shop today.
I had already woken up late, and was playing catch up trying to get everything done before work at 4pm. Reading my daily blogs, tapping into the social media network, working on projects for a company called Be Legendary, and doing my daily exercise have all become staples in my routine.
So much so, that I was willing to give up a possible third interaction with mystery girl just to put some imaginary check marks through a list of self-created items.
Admittedly my hesitation did not just stem from the fact that my day already had the impression of the stamp I frequently use on most of my weekdays, but also that I was just a tidbit nervous to go see this girl.
But I remember quite well the mental struggle that went on in my head, ”should I continue my routine or should I break free of it?”
With a little help from my friend, I was able to choose the latter and add some new experiences to my day as we got in the car with the destination of a coffee house.
Now, I have no intentions of tailoring this story to fit the perfection of scripted movie scenes and the serendipitous endings they project.
Let’s just say there was a bumpy take off. Normally I’m quite good at conversation, but when I got to the coffee house and began talking to this girl, I found myself saying things that had absolutely no point whatsoever, and then trying to redeem myself with yet another hopeless sentence.
But after I settled in things went quite well. I enjoyed being a little nervous, even messing up a bit. I sipped on coffee, had conversation, laughed, and had a genuinely good time.
Driving home I felt liberated from my routine. It was a solid reminder that I author my life. As beneficial as to-do lists can be, I almost let it intrude on the life’s purpose…experiences.
As musical master Buddy Rich said, “To come in with a set routine is something I’ve never believed in. It should depend on how you feel, because you play what you feel.”
I’ve come to find a lot of value in this. I caught myself growing numb in routine. It took a night at a bar and a day at a coffee shop to see that routines were made to me broken.
As for mystery girl well her name’s Brittany, but how I got there is a story for another time!
What are your daily habits? Do you think it would be hard to break out of them? Any mystery people of your own? How have you kept fresh experiences in your life?
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About the author
I believe in challenging the status quo and thinking differently, constantly. My past has been living in the limits of a societal context, my future lies in following what I believe in, and that middle ground known as present day consists of the surreal purpose of living in the now.
Hey Chris,
Glad your friend helped you go for it. I could feel the nerves after reading that and it’s understandable. I respect that you felt comfortable and pushed the “mistakes” aside. Sometimes, we’re our worst judge. If the girl continued to talk to you then I bet the experience was at the very least a learning lesson.
Could be a possible rejection attempt soon? Haha.
Hey Matt!
Nice perspective there. I didn’t really think of it that way. In my eyes I might have been stumbling a bit, but if she continued to talk then she was either being nice or still intrigued. Either way she was giving me the opportunity for some solid conversation and an outside the box experience!
Definitely a possible rejection attempt. I’m actually quite fond of your idea, The Experiments List, and am thinking about creating my own bucket list!
Live it, LOUD!
Hey Chris,
Interesting story. I think it is important to find a balance between routine and spontaneity.
For example, I am more in the latter camp, but that sometimes makes it hard to get things done if you have a particular project that you are working on. So sometimes I set a routine and try, for example if I am writing something make sure I do 1000 words per day for a week or something like that.
It’s also why I like doing 30 day challenges. There is routine, but it is capped so you can move on if it doesn’t provide value to you.
Cheers,
Chris
Chris – great point!
I think routine is a wonderful thing – definitely enhances productivity. I feel like you have a better handle on it then I. For me routine was set in stone and defined by time parameters. I like your idea of having daily goals. It makes your day malleable, leaving room for that spontaneity you balance your life with.
And you know, I have never done a 30 day challenge before. Really seems like an awesome idea. Has there been a specific one you really enjoyed?
Really helpful comment Chris – much appreciated!
I’m enjoying my current challenge – thank someone every day. Great for making new connections.
Thanks for respond to my comment <–thank someone every day
Do challenges that you would like to form as habits.
Last month I started doing my morning pages on 750words.com each. I now write on their first thing every day.
Ha! I love it.
Seems like a pretty awesome way to build some lasting practices. And like you said before, the beauty of it is after 30 days, if it’s not your cup of tea, scratch it.
Love the 750 words challenge. I’m heading there right….now.
All I have to say is GO CHRIS!
Haha! Thanks Wendy!
I’d take a day in the coffee shop over a night in the bar any time.
Glad it’s working out for you!
Touche David. There is something simply sublime, about a cup of coffee, a few books, and some good conversation.
Thanks!
Keep at it. Chris!
I remember those jitters all the way back some 20+ years ago! Haha! I can’t tell you how many girls I decided weren’t my type all because I wasn’t confident enough to approach them. Luckily I grew out of that by my mid-twenties and have now been married for coming up on 22 years.
Keep stepping into the unknown, Chris. It’s the only place you’ll ever be able to find yourself. Ruts bury and cover who we are. We awake when we challenge ourselves.
HA! Such a true rationalization “…girls I decided weren’t my type all because I wasn’t confident enough to approach them”
I was talking to my friend the other night about taking some new steps in life..new jobs..new places to live and I referenced this story and how I was challenged and operating in the unknown an it felt good. It made me come to the realization that, “We awake when we challenge ourselves.” I’m beginning to see this is true in the social sections of my life but it definitely generalizes to ALL areas.
And congratulations on 22 years of marriage Ken, that is absolutely wonderful!
Personally, my favorite trait in a guy is the ability to be human.
Favorite comment right here! That’s very refreshing to hear. Thanks Annie!
I didn’t get to watch the Human Experience last night, but I think I’m going to have some time tonight to do it. I’ll let you know how it goes!
Hi,
I love to purposely break out of routines. I’m 57 and all around me I see people my age doing the same thing every day. Routine? It’s a sign of O-L-D!
I think you should send mystery girl to your blog!
OOhhh…that’s audacious Tess! And I like it.
As for the routine life it’s scary how it’s so easy to not even realize the doors your closing because you keep wanting to open the same ones. Granted breaking routine hasn’t always been glamor and perfection and there has been plenty of times where I thought to myself I wish I would of stuck to just doing what I knew would of worked. But as you said, that just gets O-L-D!
Here’s to something NEW! Thanks Tess!
Dang, I was hoping Brittany would have posted a comment on here before I got here
You tell a good story. My routines are pretty fluid, but I could go for more fresh experiences.
The last time I had one of those was at the Phoenix Comicon. It was very interesting just to people watch and to see all the creativity that had gone into costumes and hear the stories of amazing creators.
Great post, can’t wait for the update.
Bryce
Ha – I know right ! I might have to share the story with her.
But I know exactly what you mean. When your in a completely new situation, seeing completely new things, it’s so intriguing to just admire and watch as your perceptions tap into new senses and ideas! I have never been to Comicon, so all I have to go off of is my imagination and some a couple scenes from movies. But I’m sure if I am actually at one, if would be nothing like I could of imagined.
Gotta love new experiences! And definitely love you comment Bryce – thanks!
Great story! It brings me back to those times when I liked someone and wanted to impress them. I always felt like such a bumbling idiot. What I have come to learn is that those are the things that endear us to others.
The good stuff is in the mistakes. Here’s to meeting all kinds of Brittanys.
Wow I like that, “the good stuff is in the mistakes.”
That’s an awesome way to put it. Because as much as we strive for perfection, it is our mistakes that make us genuine, it our are mistakes that show signs of risks and growth, and it our are mistakes that allow us to have these “bumbling” encounters with people we find ourselves drawn to.
Really well put Lisa – really appreciate you commenting that!
Hey Chris,
I get totally jaded with routines but some are necessary in life. I think it is the mental aspect of the whole thing that I do not like. I prefer freedom and flexibility.
Totally agree with you here Justin. To me it’s 100% mental. As long as I have the mindset that my actions are flexible and free then bring on the routines, because lets be honest that’s how I get shit done. But I think sometimes we get too good at our routines and become to addicted at getting them done, that it detracts from other areas of life. Like all things, it’s one big balancing act.
Always great reading your comments Justin!
What a great story. I love the idea of meeting someone special in a coffee shop. Sounds romantic and has butterflys in the stomach potential. Ahhh.
hahaha thanks Meg! Definitely one of my more memorable stories. And I agree, something about a coffee shop is just…surreal.
Thanks for the comment Meg!
Hi chris,greetings from Singapore, internet is amazing isnt it!? Mine is probably half way round the globe away from your laptop yet amazingly got connected to your blog here, and unexpectedly came upon this interesting article. Wow!
I totally understand your ” mental struggle” situation. I have been through it quite a number of times in my life and #1 lesson learnt is: Mental struggles are like crossroads, the harder that mental struggle is , will probably also mean it meant alot to me. But surprisingly somehow if the right decision was made, the results/outcome are usually one of the best! Unexpectedly beautiful. At the end of the day : I will be telling myself things like : phew, thank god i came. Instead of to whine in regret : If only I … What if I …
The word ‘IF’ is scary sometimes. Don’t u think so? It reminds me of regrets, things that should have been done…
Hi Kin May!
What an inspiring comment!
First off – it really is amazing isn’t it. I sat and thought about what you said for a little, and we live in a time where we take for granted the constant fix of having internet at our fingertips. But here I am writing this comment to you on the other half of the globe. Extraordinary!
(On a side note I’ve actually been looking at some of the programs to teach English abroad and one of them was in Singapore!)
As for regret, I agree, it’s certainly something I try and live without. That dreaded “if” is how we rationalize and protect ourselves from taking risks. And then instead of having stories from a wealth of experiences all we have are a collection of good intentions. Whenever I find myself in a situation where something scares me, where I want to turn to one of those “what if” statements, I think to myself – there will ALWAYS be a reason not to do something. Feel the fear and do it anyway. And whenever I do, I never regret it.
Thanks for the amazing comment! Really love your thoughts!